Does it really matter if we understand a child's behavior? Or should we just try to change or get rid of a so-called "bad" behavior? There are many differing opinions on this, but what I've learned firsthand in my work with children and families, is that when we don't listen to the communication behind a concerning behavior, we can miss a profoundly important message that can have long-term negative effects on that child.
You probably wouldn't use old-school phrases like "Wait until your father gets home" or "I wish you were more like your sister" with your kids. But there are lots of less obvious ones that you should avoid, for their sake and yours.
This collection of quotes and wisdom has been complied from blog posts on www.janetlansbury.com. These are words of wisdom that have resonated with me and that I frequently share with parents. Is there one that stands out to you? If so, please share by clicking on comments below.
*Where the word parent is used, caregiver can be substituted for teachers, nannies, etc.*
“If a parent does not really believe in the validity of a particular rule, or is afraid that the child will not obey, chances are the child will not.” – Magda Gerber
Dr. Michael J. Goldberg is considered a "lone wolf" in the medical community for his findings related to the ever-increasing number of children being diagnosed as autistic. In this video, Dr. Goldberg talks about why Autism cannot be genetic, psychological or developmental, but a symptom of a treatable neurological disease from various stressors, including viral and fungal infection. Specifically, he purports that these symptoms are caused by a dysfunction in the neuro-immune system and often by secondary neurotropic viruses (potential Central Nervous System herpes viruses and their family of viruses) that are impacting the neuro-immune system, brain and digestive system. Illnesses such as Autism, ADD/ADHD and chronic fatigue syndrome are explained as all having different "labels," but actually being variations on the same thing: neuro-immune dysfunction syndromes (NIDS) that are treatable.
For more information about Dr. Goldberg and his work, visit this website.
Copyright © 2000 by Aletha Solter Reprinted from the Aware Parenting Institute website: www.awareparenting.com
Confusion about crying
Many parents find it hard to understand and accept their children's tears and tantrums, and are confused by contradictory advice they have read. On one hand, much of the advice in parenting books is based on the assumption that crying and temper tantrums are behaviors that should be discouraged. Some people assume that these are indications of a "spoiled" child who is used to getting her own way, while others think of them more as immature behaviors that children must learn to control. It is generally believed that as soon as children are old enough to talk, the job of parents is to help them express their wants and feelings using words rather than tears or outbursts of rage. Even people who recognize crying as a sign of stress and frustration sometimes consider crying to be an unnecessary byproduct of stress. They assume that children will feel better once they stop crying. This belief may lead to efforts to distract children from their crying.