The idea of failing isn't something that sits well with me. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and moving outside my comfort zone to embark on something new or challenging can make me feel things that I would rather not feel. But I'm learning that one of the best ways to grow and improve in anything, is to do something I've never done before. Several years ago, while working as a developmental therapist in the Illinois Early Intervention program, I found myself at a crossroads. I felt stuck in my work with children and families and knew that I needed to grow, but didn't know where to start. And of course felt somewhat hesitant because I knew that meant I would likely need to learn new information and possibly identify practices I was using that were not effective. That indeed is what happened when I began learning about RIE and realized that my current approach to intervention could use some tweaking. The journey that proceeded this realization has definitely been uncomfortable at times, but has also fostered a significant amount of learning, growth and improvement in my work. Learning how to integrate the respectful parenting approach of the RIE philosophy (which can feel counterintuitive as a therapist) with the expectations placed on therapists was certainly challenging and frequently made me question if I was doing the right thing. Even though the work felt messier, well, actually was messier most of the time, I could see how much more effective it was in supporting parents and giving them the knowledge and skills to be the confident and competent caregivers their children needed.
I have noticed that the discomfort I have felt along the way is often a similar discomfort that parents feel when they are learning and implementing the new parenting practices with their children. When I think of all the challenges this work has presented, the toughest has been my ability to lean in to the discomfort that the parents are feeling and allow and accept their process and emotions along their journey. This is quite a parallel process on many levels, all related to the difficulty of allowing and accepting our own and others' emotions. When this all works the way it is "suppose" to, we (parents, children, and myself) work through and feel the messiness together and eventually find ourselves on the other side of it all in a healthier and happier place that ultimately leads to relationships that truly support the most important aspects of human development...attachment relationships and mental health. If you're a parent and are ready to move outside your comfort zone for the sake of having the best possible relationship with your child, I'm ready to give you a little push, but will also come alongside you on your journey. Let me know when you'd like to begin!
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