This collection of quotes and wisdom has been complied from blog posts on www.janetlansbury.com. These are words of wisdom that have resonated with me and that I frequently share with parents. Is there one that stands out to you? If so, please share by clicking on comments below. *Where the word parent is used, caregiver can be substituted for teachers, nannies, etc.* “If a parent does not really believe in the validity of a particular rule, or is afraid that the child will not obey, chances are the child will not.” – Magda Gerber
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Copyright © 2000 by Aletha Solter Reprinted from the Aware Parenting Institute website: www.awareparenting.com
Confusion about crying Many parents find it hard to understand and accept their children's tears and tantrums, and are confused by contradictory advice they have read. On one hand, much of the advice in parenting books is based on the assumption that crying and temper tantrums are behaviors that should be discouraged. Some people assume that these are indications of a "spoiled" child who is used to getting her own way, while others think of them more as immature behaviors that children must learn to control. It is generally believed that as soon as children are old enough to talk, the job of parents is to help them express their wants and feelings using words rather than tears or outbursts of rage. Even people who recognize crying as a sign of stress and frustration sometimes consider crying to be an unnecessary byproduct of stress. They assume that children will feel better once they stop crying. This belief may lead to efforts to distract children from their crying. How do the seemingly insignificant things in a parent-child relationship add up to become significant? I have seen this process unfold with many of the families I have had the privilege of working with. I've also seen this unfold in my own interactions with children during therapy sessions. So what insignificant things am I referring to? A few things come to mind...the way we talk to children when we need to set limits, the way we respond to their emotions when they are not happy, and the things we actually set limits on. Limit-setting and big emotions are always things that come up during my work with children and families, and I often find myself prefacing my coaching around these things with, "This might seem insignificant now, but..." Then we have a conversation about why letting the seemingly insignificant testing behaviors go, or using an indirect and/or uncertain statement when trying to set a limit, or invalidating an emotion because it seems so "dramatic", all add up very quickly for children, creating stress and likely more behavior challenges later.
I have struggled for years combining my work as a developmental therapist in Early Intervention and my philosophy on child development and parenting. As a therapist, I've felt pressure to conform to the norms and widely-held beliefs about how therapy should "look." Though these norms always made me feel uncomfortable, I didn't know what else to do as a therapist until I learned about RIE and the idea of respectful parenting. With RIE I have found that less is often more. In the conversation below, the idea of "less is more" is explained in my response to the parent of an infant receiving physical therapy who shares her struggles with the approach to therapy and her philosophy on supporting a child's development.
*Names have been changed for confidentiality. With more and more emphasis on technology, our children are showing decreased attention to play and social interactions, and more interest in screen time. Research shows that there are significant negative effects on a child's brain from cell phone use. I fear that the play observed in this video will become nonexistent in the near future, and instead of toys, all we will see are cell phones. |
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